Traditional Translation:
ཁྲོ་བའི་སེམས་འདི་གཅིག་བཅོམ་ན།།
དགྲ་དེ་ཐམས་ཅད་ཆོམས་དང་འདྲ།།
My translation:
ཁྲོ་བའི་སེམས་ནི་བཅོམ་པ་ན།།
དགྲ་རྣམས་ཐམས་ཅད་བཅོམ་པ་ཡིན།།
My translation (a) renders the locative absolute better, (b) does not add anything, (c) is faithful to the Sanskrit, and (d) yet conveys the sense quite well. The only problem is of tu, which has not been rendered.
My translation (a) renders the locative absolute better, (b) does not add anything, (c) is faithful to the Sanskrit, and (d) yet conveys the sense quite well. The only problem is of tu, which has not been rendered.
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